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[2009 14 10 21.22 ] |
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bbbbbbblllleeeaaaaggggghhhhhhhhh
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[2009 16 09 17.00 ] |
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i can be a melodramatic fuck sometimes. partially because i have a really hard time accepting it when things change. more so because i dwell on the way it was when really, it isn't like that anymore. it can't be. i chanted an internal mantra on the way home today: 'if you choose to live in the past then what's the point of living today.' sometimes i think i'm pretty wise. well, wise enough to come up with a clever slogan to avert a total pass-out-in-my-own-vomit-next-to-the-wreckage-of-my-bike-panic-attack-freak-out.
it seems that this inability to deal with the dynamicity of the universe and interpersonal relationships has been my personal bane for my entire pubescent and adult life, along with some botched brain chemistry i suppose. starting to really actively meaningfully work on both though. we'll see how zoloft goes.
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[2009 16 09 13.00 ] |
day to day. that's the best i can do right now. lay in bed until i physically am no longer able. stave off bad thoughts long enough until it's dark enough to sleep.
fuck. i'm trying so so so hard but all i can do is think about her.
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[2009 07 09 21.28 ] |
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the worst thing in the world is having a mind that never stops - or at least a mind that never stops and seems programmed to torture you and rip up your insides at 1000 thoughtspersecond.
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[2009 02 08 18.49 ] |
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sometimes you need to do those childish things like making flipbooks of explosions or tampering with people's coffee or ripping a big fart and laughing all to yourself about it to remind you that when you get older you're not moving on to the next year but just stacking it on top of every one that came before.
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[2009 01 08 21.20 ] |
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ugh man i don't even know anymore. i just want to be wherever she is.
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[2009 17 07 22.09 ] |
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earlier i thought i had a lot to say but when i sat down really i just have a lot to do and a lot to live out. God is in everything and he works in strange ways, sure it feels cliche but opening up and letting go is about as healthy a thing as i have ever done.
one month. this is crazy.
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[2009 23 06 22.57 ] |
everything happens for a reason. yeah i believe it. distance and perspective might be the greatest things to sustain us.
it is wild to know exactly where you want to be and be there, and to know where you want to go and be patiently clipping along that path.
courtmey. i miss you so much. 7 months seems both forever and instant.
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[2009 11 06 20.20 ] |
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it is quite easy to navigate through darkness when you've got perfect hands to hold and an unwavering source of light.
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[2009 09 06 13.55 ] |
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music |
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dirty projectors |
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i feel like one of the only things we can really hope for in life is that we have the awareness, clarity, and ability to squeeze joy out of every moment in our lives. i am beyond thankful that i barely even have to try any more.
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socialist_wolf's journal